Paint the air purple: November 2006

my week

one of the staff at work is from australia and is leaving to go home tomorrow. everyone organised to go to the 'lemonade shop' after work (ie the Garage - a smoky english pub). i said "maybe" to an invitation. without any intention of actually going.

i feel like a loner sometimes, because everyone i work with, even though, granted, they are 5 years minimum average older than me, goes out to the pub and 'has a good time.' it wouldn't matter if i was drinking lemonade, i just don't like that scene. even if it was with friends i have known for a long time, i still wouldn't like it - you stink of smoke, have to shout conversations, pretend that those awkward moments of silence never existed, pretend that being around drunk people is fun.

there is nothing wrong with rather spending the afternoon walking home in the drizzly rain and watching the people in the park, running, walking their babies in prams, dads coaching their five year old sons football... i am more a reflective kind of person. i would rather play trivial pursuit, read a book, sit and watch. but even though i know there is nothing wrong with that, its hard to ignore the fact that your idea of fun is a lot different to the 'others.' oh well. its not like i care, but i hate feeling like someone would immediately judge me as being 'boring' just because you don't do what the others do. how boring if everyone did the same thing.

My week has been kind of hard. i am quite tired, but apart from working longer hours, i feel like the actual amount of work i've been doing could have been compressed into a day. its tiring just sitting in class waiting your turn to help your child sign their name.

We had swimming on monday. it took an hour to get them changed and into the pool by a series of hoists, and far less time actually IN the pool. but i felt quite good about myself - how many people my age do i know who spent their monday afternoon holding a disabled child to give them some time in the pool. where just the act of feeling the water over their bodies, of letting the water move you, the freedom of movement - is enough.

today, Victoria's old carer who is on holiday called from australia and the kids in the class got to speak to her. it was fascinating watching them with the mobile phone held up to their ear - Ruqaiyah burst into fits of laughter when she heard sams voice without sam actually being there in person. she was in hysterics. fiona, in broken words, managed to say "i miss you sam. and my daddy."

We were using clay to make model chairs in DT. i turned my back on victoria to help amy, after finishing victoria's chair, moving it out of the way etc... When i looked back at victoria, she'd thrown her apron on the floor and had covered the desk and her entire body in clay. of course she thought it was really funny.

I had a long day on wednesday, starting at 8:30am and working until 9pm. then starting work the next day at 7am and the next day the same.

This afternoon i got home and was tackled by 3 five year old boys attacking me with their power rangers. we took them to the christmas fair, rugged up and cold. there was a temporary ice skating rink, a santa etc... - my first winter xmas 'realisation.'

extra or ordinary

Sometimes i feel like i am doing something extraordinary. Every so often, whether it be standing on top of a snowy mountain, gazing up at an ornate cathedral ceiling, or walking down Melrose Avenue, identical terraced houses shrinking into the distance... I realise that i got myself here. My choice, my challenge; its a very personal thing that no-one could have forced me to do. I think about where i was a year ago, who i was a year ago, how much i knew myself, how much i thought i was capable of. I guess i have come a long way.

But then again i look at the people i work with. I realise that i am not really doing anything extraordinary, that i am not the hero i thought i was. there are people who have worked with these kids for so long, and they love them - you can see it so much. i wonder if i was to stay for a few more years, would i be like that? can i stay in the one place for that long. i don't feel like i am doing all i can. i feel like i am not doing enough - that i have gotten out of doing things, if not by my choice, but by practicality, because i am simply not going to be there long enough. I feel that lack of connection with them, and i guess it makes me feel inadequate.

Yesterday i was wheeling my girl Victoria around the playground field, with emily walking beside me. one moment she was talking away and the next moment from the corner of my eye i saw her sieze up, and with a loud bang she fell stiff as a pole straight down, the first thing to hit the ground being her forehead, luckily protected by a helmet she has to wear for that purpose. ten seconds later she'd stopped fitting and was on the ground crying, disorientated, not knowing why she was on the ground, why her hand hurt. i couldn't believe how quickly it happened. It all happened behind the building with no one in site. so i carried her and pushed the wheelchair back to the playground and felt as shaky as she was. It was such a real moment, it wasn't an essay or a sympathetic conversation, it was a first hand experience.

i compare myself to Jay who works with emily. started at linden lodge when she was 17 and is 19 now. she is so mature, seems to know everything about how everything and everyone here works.

Then i feel like i am either being too stupid or too perceptive. I feel like i read into how everyone acts and reacts to everything and everyone, and it makes me very cautious and apprehensive. i guess it shows as being a lack of confidence, or a stupidity in not knowing what to do or the courage to ask.

i guess i am still not as mature as i like to think i have become. that takes years and experiences, not six months of being overseas.

i guess 'extraordinary' is very relative. You could be extraordinary for cooking a new recipe, or you could be extraordinary for taking care of someone with epilepsy. it depends on what you have done and what you have improved about yourself. you can't count yourself as being extraordinary just because you saved fifty more lives at the hospital than your collegue.

mr bean three wheeled car

typical scottish lingo on sign

scottish view

highest point in scotland

isle of skye

view of isle of skye, north west scotland, from the grassy knoll

james and i infront of Man of Storr

pleat rock

nice view of mountains on isle of skye

a colourful boat on isle of skye

north scotland

the haunted youth hostel: carbisdale castle, north scotland

windscreen view of a scotish avenue

a lonely phone box

loch ness

isle of skye, broadford supermarket - in gaelic

scotland - britannia etc...

me being arty with the britannia's boiler room

The Britannia the royal ship.

The Queens Bedroom aboard the britannia

Pitlochry - Edridour Distillery, the smallest Whisky Distillery in Scotland.

The Wee kiosk, Pitlochry Dam

Two Weeks in November

Two Weeks in November:

(now wouldn’t that make a nice book title…)

The ironic thing is that the busier I am, the less time I have to write. Thank your lucky stars that my social life has gone up a notch in the last fortnight…

Highlights of work:

I have been doing a variety of things –

Did a short course on epilepsy and how to administer two types of medication, including a rectal diazepam which is as nasty as it sounds.

Have been helping with physiotherapy, learning sign language in speech therapy, learning Braille in Literacy.

Memorable moment:
We were in PE, sitting on the mats rolling a ball to each other in a big group. I was sitting behind victoria to keep her sitting upright. After we finished, daryl, who is usually wheelchair bound but we had hoisted him onto the mat, pushed up with his legs and stood with his knees bend 45 degrees and crooked, but standing nevertheless. I can just remember this huge grin spreading across his face, saying “I’M STANDING!! TELL EVERYONE!!”

Of course some kids can be quite unpredictable. The next day I was helping carrie change Ruqaiyah in the loo, and we heard this “NO!! I DON’T WANT TO MOVE!! I HATE GORTON!!!” followed by a long string of swear words, hitting the wall hard and the screams of a 16 year old boy bellowing down the corridor and setting off a chain of screams in the classes down the hall. We heard a thump, and when I looked outside, there was Daryl, sitting naked in the middle of the hallway, three staff at the end of the corridor, looking bewildered.

One weekend in November:

I got a haircut on Friday, and I felt quite out of place – when I asked for water, not wine. Told her I had never really styled my hair before, nor coloured it, nor straightened it. $75 later, she had straightened my hair and cut it, and it felt completely different. She tried to coax me into spending 90 pounds ($230 approx) on a hair straightener.

Went out with Emilie from work to a nice little classy pub in Putney, which she is hoping to get some work at. We sat in the alcove and talked about all civilised things and drank gin and tonic. How very English of us, considering she’s from bondi and im from the blue mountains!!!

The next day I spent with tony and Shirley, and their daughter Nicolas’ family. They live on the road to Twickenham Rugby Stadium, and every Saturday they are plagued by tens of thousands of Rugby supporters swarming up the road. So they set up a stall selling beef baguettes for 3 pounds fifty and make a mint. I came up to help (cut 600 rolls), and so did my second cousin twice removed whom I had never met before, alex (tony and shirleys’ grandson.) He’s 17 but is 6 foot more, has his own band called AndElsie, looks like Michael Kuzma, and is from the generation below me.

After dinner with tony and Shirley at the Café Rouge, we caught the train back to his house, where i went straight to bed, in the nicest bedroom ever – looked like it had come out of a designer magazine with an African theme.

Met the others the next morning – annie, 7, who presented us with her Christmas list, 4 A4 pages long and ranging from a spongebob squarepants bed to a Dr Who telephone. Sebastian, 9, rugby king, Nicholas, 15 and model and actor in the tv series ‘teachers,’ and husband and wife Julia and stewart.

The next day nick and alex took me around Winchester, the ancient capital of England, and we saw the Round Table, which was huge and had the names Lancelot etc… inscribed into the painted oak. Visited the farmers market and had some fudge creams, walked around. Nick and alex were so cynical about it, but they wouldn’t appreciate old buildings as much as we aussies who think a building is old if it reaches a century.

Back at their house we watched Hitchikers Guide to the galaxy and met alex’s best friend, andy, also the lead singer in their band. I couldn’t quite understand how I am disowned if I don’t watch Neighbours and don’t think ramsay street exists, but I am considered cool because I used to be able to name all 150 pokemon in order. They are awesome though. I listened to their album and for an amateur band, they are very good. A mixture of the killers old stuff, modest mouse, the kooks etc…

Went to their gig. It was awesome. Very unamylike – but I enjoyed it. I stood at the front and… well, came out deaf.