this is england part two, out of order sorry
ENGLAND AGAIN (part 2 – starting at the lakes district at Iains holiday home in Ambleside.)
Met up with iain and Madeline again, and stayed in their daughters holiday house in a very cute little village with narrow streets and slate houses, including the smallest hosue in Britain, which was the home of a family of six and the two floors had a floor space each of about 2 metres squared. It’s the town of William wordsworth the romantic poet, and of beatrix potter, inventor of jemima puddleduck and friends. I can see where she got her inspiration from though. We walked along the bay front, with the swans being fed, and old wooden boats, and then had a long long look in the vast amount of camping stores here.
Gosh iain is funny – he is full of crazy interesting facts:
1) Spirals in castle towers are normally anti clockwise so that the intruders who would be trying to make their way up the tower, and who are predominantly right-handed, would have their right arms movement impeded, thus making it difficult for them to attack using a sword in their right hand.
2) to insult people, Europeans (and aussies) put up one finger, whereas the English put up their index AND their middle finger, this dates back to when the soldiers would have these two fingers chopped off so they couldn’t use a bow and arrow.
3) The saying “show a leg” (i.e. ‘wake up’) originates from the old days on the ships, when the commander would wake up the men at 5am, commanding them to show a leg. The hairy ones, the men, would be woken up, and the smooth legs, the women, would be permitted to lie in.
4) According to iain, anything badly designed, was designed by ‘an italian hairdresser.’
5) Common Scotsmen and northumberlandians are known as “jordies”, originating from “georgies”, ie followers of king george.
6) “och aye du nu” is scottish for “of course”
7) iains impression of a southerner – someone from “daan saaf” (down south)
8) “see you jimmie” – “if you would like to step outside and we can settle this” (punch up fight)
We visited William wordsworths home, where he lived for nine years, during which he wrote the best poetry in his career, including ‘daffodils.’ It was kinda cool because him and colleridge were really good friends, and colleridge also spent a lot of time there. I also think I saw the lime-tree bower in the garden out the back!! You can really see what colleridge felt when he walked along the hilly ridges, and the waterfalls. Its very sad when you actually become interested in the things you studied at school, long after you finished school (ok, that made me sound old.) Oh, and I saw his grave too – the whole wordsworth family in fact, and mum has the idea that he had something going on with his sister Dorothy…
Another useless fact I learnt: back in wordsworths time, people were taxed according to the amount of windows they had in their house. So people preferred to brick them up and live by candlelight. This is where the term ‘daylight robbery’ originated.
Had dinner in “the priests hole,” a 500 year old house that was used to house the members of the church in times of persecution against the catholics.
Makes me sound like a history nut. I swear im not, but seeing things in person is completely different to just reading about them in text books.
Anyhoo, the floors were so warped I kept sliding off the chair!!
James and I got a laugh out of the ducks, who paddled really hard to go upstream, and we watched them turn around and ‘thrill-swim’ down the river for a while.
I bought some old music sheets with irish, scottish and English melodies on them, with the intention of framing them, like everything else I have bought.
LIVERPOOL YOUTH HOSTEL: 1 night:
Rang el in the morning, which was great after not talking for a LONG time by our standards – could talk forever, about nothing in particular, and still be happy. Makes me miss home a lot.
After some quick shopping in the morning and buying more funny postcards with no intention of giving them to anyone (haha), we said goodbye to our long lost cousin, and made our way to Liverpool, home of football freaks and the beatles.
Had a few traumatic experiences on the way though. One was less than five minutes from iains house, when dad decided to turn right and ended up on the other side of the road, with an oncoming bus getting awfully close to us and showing no signs of slowing down. Dad did a giant snake curve and all I could imagine was the vision thing I had in carbisdale castle about oncoming vehicles about to hit me. The roads here are so damn narrow. We are literally inches away from hitting the bushes on one side and the oncoming traffic on the other side. I hate it, I even had tears in my eyes. That ‘encounter’ seriously scarred me for life.
When we finally got into Liverpool, it was crazy because the whole place seems to be being rebuilt, roadworks everywhere (another thing crazy about these roads is that they have traffic lights on their roundabouts!!). we checked into our majorly expensive youth hostel and went shopping, and had a very bland stir fry. Then I retreated to my room for some ‘me-time’ (a camp term), which I find I need a lot lately. I can’t wait to be in the same place for a while, working and getting into daily routines of London life. Travelling is fun, but its exhausting, and sometimes you need to slow down.
WALES - 21st September: LLANBARIS YOUTH HOSTEL, 1 night
dad has an obsession with talking to strangers. We’ve been at a place for five minutes and dad is already talking to school girls who probably feel uncomfortable. And his Australian accent is very broad.
Anyway, had the best day in Liverpool. First we somehow found our way to Liverpool football club for a tour of the stadium and a look at the museum, we started outside, at the entrance for the players. Inside, we walked down the corridor saying “players and staff only”, with interview rooms on both sides. We made our way into the home team change rooms, which were pretty ordinary, but the teams jerseys were all lined up in their traditional order: goalie, backs, mids and strikers. Names like kewell, gerrard etc… beamed out in a sea of famous read. We got photos next to the jerseys and touched kewells’ one. Apparently on match days they set out eighty pairs of boots for the team to choose from.
We also got a look at the away team room, which lacks the state of the art physio chairs, and has a slippery floor which apparently the cleaner used to rub with wax before games. We walked down the steps, under the famous “this is anfield” sign and onto the pitch. We sat in the managers chair in the staff booth and then sat in the area which used to be standing only, for tens of thousands, the equivalent of putting three fully grown men in a single seat!!
We had a treacherous time trying to get back to the hostel for lunch. We found ourselves yet again going the wrong way down a one way street, with yet another unrelentless oncoming bus.
After lunch (yes we were alive miraculously) we walked over to albert dock, the only nice part of Liverpool, the old dock and the ‘liver’ buildings. We went to the Beatles museum, which was really amazing – walking in on sets that took you back to all stages of their careers. the most moving room was the last one, John Lennons White Room, containing his white piano, white carpet, long tall windows with light white billowing curtains and a guitar leaning against the wall, they had ‘imagine’ playing in the background. It was weird reading about how violently he died, after working so hard for peace. Also the fact that I saw his house in new york and the place where he was shot, made it more ‘real.’ They were a pretty amazing band though, and they had it pretty hard going to start off with, being told to play 8 hours every evening in a red light club, if they were gonna make it to the top. But they did, and in only 8 years, they wrote over 200 songs. I loved a phrase lennon wrote on a silly poem at the end: “this is my story both humble and true, take it to pieces and mend it with glue.”
“I think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree.”
We walked around the dock, past the famous Mansey Ferries, then hopped back in the cars and drove to another country: wales. The sun set along the way, and the view out to the mountains reminded me a lot of home. Then it got dark and the lights of the tiny welsh towns in the hills, glittered and their reflections shone in the sea.
Had an exciting dinner of baked beans and packet soup, and off to bed, trying to ignore the bellowing wind outside.
STILL IN WALES: Boetws –y Coed, a pub, 1 night:
Had an amazing day today. We walked around Llanbaris (which in welsh sounds like “clanbarrrrrris” with a lot of hucking and gagging at the beginning. And middle. And end for that matter (I can’t believe how much welsh they speak here – it is literally their first language now that is taught in schools. And all the kids speak it.” But its silly because its an ancient language that has been reintroduced into the modern world, and so they have had to make up words like “telly velly” for television and “haddlu” for police. As iain said “I don’t have much time for them,” and I am beginning to realise why.
Like today, we went up the highest point in wales, Mt Snowdon, by a train which was advertised as being steam driven, but was actually diesel drivn. While we were waiting to board, we were staring at the steam train wondering why we couldn’t just get on, and then they got us on a diesel one, letting the steam one puffing away polluted air all day, just for show. We paid $90 for a family ticket, which was ridiculous and mum was FURIOUS. The train went through the valleys, these extremely dramatic mountain ranges, and stopped at a ‘station’ in the middle of nowhere, leaving us to walk a few miles to the top up slippery slate. But it was worth it. The view was amazing. You could see for hundreds of miles, out to the ocean on 2 sides. The sheep up here are thrill seekers – they still pick the most dangerous of spots to find their grass. Like, when you see a sheep carefully making its way across a rocky slope with a gradient of 70 degrees, you really begin to wonder if its just wool in that head. Sheep have tails here, and birth marks. We walked ALL the way back into town, which must have bee n10km’s. I got WAY ahead by a few hours, so perused around town for a while. On the way down, though, I got blocked off by some territorial sheep. I looked up and saw, on the other side of the fence and stile, three sheep lining up on what looked like pride rock, with a boss sheep at the base of the rock, who stopped rubbing its back on the rock when I came along, and bleeted. On cue, the sheep started lining up and jumping off the rock and forming a line across the path. I couldn’t believe it. I actually feared for my life.
We finally met up (apparently we all got separated after james went exploring a glacier lake and got lost behind the boulders.) We headed through more dramatic mountains and stumbled across a beautiful town with a waterfall and stream running through it, called Betws-y-coed. Luckily we got a nice pub room and had a nice pub dinner in a very classy town that was like Kangaroo Valley.
Funny phrase on some shop merchandise I found: “the meaning of life: sometimes it’s a chicken, sometimes it’s a chair, sometimes it’s a piece of cheese suspended in the air.”
The next day we spent looking around Betwsy blah blah, doing more walking on public footpaths which skirt around peoples fields, running along side the stream. It was magical. Im quite sore from climbing a mountain yesterday though. In fact mum and I could hardly walk.
That night we left wales and stayed in an immaculate B&B in Alcester, called “the globe”, in a town just outside of shakespeares home town, Stratford-upon-Avon.
The next day we saw shakespeares birth place, which was fascinating. Elle said I am on my way to redoing the whole English syllabus. Haha im on a journey and its NOT imaginative.
Apparently in shakespeares time they were experiencing a second ‘ice age’, but to preserve coal, they had to douse their fires at 8pm. Meaning they froze at night. They used tapestries to provide more insulation on the walls (stone = cold, duh). They also slept on beds (the children this is), equivalent to our ‘trundle beds’, which were made of ropes strung across. Every night before going to sleep they would have to tighten the ropes so they didn’t sag that night, a two man operation. This is where the saying “good night sleep tight” originated. I love linguistical things like that. Im collecting origins of phrases. All English.
Went up to Coventry, industrial town, and home of the Cadbury factory, and inventor of the bike. met up with fox from camp, who brought along her friend hayley. We saw the famous cathedral that was bombed in the war. Then had a chat in a bar called ‘browns’. I didn’t stop laughing the whole time. And it wasn’t awkward like I expected it to be.
That afternoon we drove through the famous “cottswalds” district, with quaint towns, and funny town names like “badminton” (haha), “old sodsbury”, “peopleton” and “uptop snodbury.”
We stayed in Bath Youth Hostel.
We went for a drive at night trying to find a supermarket open on a Sunday night, getting very lost, but seeing a beautiful roman-georgian town lit up at night was amzing. Ashley brown is there doing bar-tending, and max was there only four days ago, staying with him. Small world!!!
The next day we did a walking tour of the sights of bath, learning about the cathedrals (designed by a guy who had a dream about angels climbing up ladders etc…) and they based it on his dreams. During some period of conflict they chopped the heads off the statues, and one of them had a beard. Some of the beard remained, so instead of giving it a new head, they moulded one out of the remaining beard!!! Weird. There are also statues there of the twelve apostles, but two of them are FEMALE (how da vinci code is that!!)
We did an audio tour of the Roman Baths, which are natural hot springs that, over the roman period, were transformed into a relaxation resort, complete with saunas with their own central heating systems and flues (how smart were the romans!!), and healing waters that cured people of leprosy. Apparently at one stage it was owned by the father of King Lear. I touched the water and thew a penny in and made a wish. It was fascinating, and I can’t believe their intelligence!!!!!
That afternoon we made our way into deep Somerset County, where mum grew up. Went through her town, ash, where she lived for the first ten years of her life, and where her dad owned the general store, and she used to creep down in the middle of the night and nibble corners out of the chocolate bars and blame it on the mice. Ever since I was little I have wanted to take mum out to England to see where she grew up and see how its changed (she hasn’t been back there since 1980.) the shop is a lot different, but the house and the garden were still there. The whole place has very old buildings of stone, with stone walls, bright flowers and names for their houses like “manor farm” etc… We bought a chocolate bar there each to make up for mums mischief.
MONTACUTE B&B (JOHN AND OLIVE), 2 NIGHTS:
We stayed in Montacute, in the B&B which mums cousin John and wife Olive, live. I don’t remember them, but they are the fun people I have ever met. They love talking, period, but at the same time they are modern, listening to hip hop all night and talking about little Britain despite being 60-70 odd. She was telling us hilarious stories about her guests in her B&B. one time, these two couples came in and they hadn’t made up the rooms, so did them in a hurry. Olive had done everything but check the teapot. Of course there wsa an AWFUL guy who came down to olive after seeing the room, and held out the teapot wit ha disgusted look on his face, saying “theres a teabag in there.” She felt so awful that she went to extra care at breakfast, asking them if they had a good sleep. She wished them a good day, to which the ‘arsehole’ promptly replied “doubt it, we’re going to a funeral.”
Then they get a regular guy who stays for long periods at a time. One day olive couldn’t help staring at his nipples, thinking they were incnredibly perky. It turned out that he not only had perky nipples, but that he’d had a boob job done. And that he was a cross-dressing businessman, who was either called “john” or “Joanna” but “jo” for a compromise. Funny thing is that he has a girlfriend, who doesn’t seem to mind. Olive was doing his washing one day and hanging out his clothes on the line, including a t-strap (she said “I don’t know where he put his tackle when wearing that one though”), and the neighbours head pops over the fence. Before he could say anything, she says “its not mine, its my b&b’ers”.
When I told her that the only excuse that I could come up with for leaving the palais royale, was that my mums cousin had offered me a job in her B&B in montacute, which is where we are staying right now, she was right in on it. She said she’d take a photo of me in front of the place, and write rose a letter using their letterhead. Im glad she’s in on it!!!
MUMS BIRTHDAY IN MONTACUTE: 26TH SEPT:
The next day we thankfully had a relaxing day. We took john into hospital, then headed back into ash after visiting b something downs, where mums sister moved after she got married. We took a video of mum talking about the various places she could remember in ash, including her old school, the shop, a few houses where she lived, or used to play with her friends in (old barns etc…), and the phone box which she walked to when she was very young (her first time out of the house alone.) It was a pretty cool place for mum to visit on her birthday.
James and dad went to a Yeovil football match in the evening.
27th Sept: SALTASH TRAVELODGE, 1night:
packed up today, then visited john in hospital. He’s such a ratbag – apparently he’s been the one giving the nurses stitches … of laughter. Haha.
Then we headed ‘daan saaf’ to the Cornwall coast. We stopped for lunch in the rain and wind, at Sidmouth, where we had a walk along the beachside and saw some old fishing boats and hire deckchairs. Some quaint homewares shops there too. Drove on past Plymouth to Saltash travelodge, in the rain. Had dinner at the Little Chef, and james had a stress attack about working out how ‘burger king meal deals’ work.
28th Sept: DARTMOUTH, POSH B&B, 1 night:
Went to Polperro today – an old fishing village with very narrow streets (no chance of getting a car through there). The whole place is built around the bay opening, and the boats which are moored there come out of the water during the really low tides. A stream flows through the villages, under the houses. We saw an ‘alley’ of water between two houses, filled with ducks. Its also the home of the original Cornish pasty, which was first made by wives to send down to their husbands in the mines, as it was a compact little number with everything they needed. That’s also where the ‘aussie aussie aussie oi oi oi” saying came from , when they called down the mines to say ‘ready, I’m gonna send you down your lunch”, and they would reply “oi oi oi.” Interesting huh!!
Took a walk up to the coastline and looked down on the fishing village. Also looked at the fishing and smuggling museum. It was interesting to find out how they smuggled drugs in to the country – some swallowed condoms and even balloons filled with drugs, collecting them when they ‘came out the other side.’ Went to some funny shops along polperro, where I bought a cheap watch for five pounds. They sold bookmarks with funny illustrations of cats with phrases like “never try to jump start a parrot,” “never sell old people”, “never poke sticks at mad people,” “never ignite a rhinos fart”, “never park your bike in other peoples bottoms,” and “always check your underpants for stray sheep.”
Also bought some ‘piskies’ (good luck charm pixies.)
Went to looe, where we found a pirates of the Caribbean shop with a jack sparrow doll who said things like “why aren’t the children cannibals.”
Had the best ice cream ever: Cornish caramel and honey comb. Lip smacking good!!
Then we headed over to Dartmouth, which had a gorgeous harbour with colourful houses and lots of little boats. Had dinner in a smokey pub after driving around trying to find a place to stay. We ended up forking out $400 for a B&B hotel.
29th September, Tolpuddle ‘lawrence farm’ B&B, 1 night:
Woke up early to have a swim in their indoor heated pool, and a relax in the jakuzzi (hehe). James got yelled at by a grumpy old lady who was swimming and james swum into her, nearly, and she said “I don’t mind sharing as long as you watch out.” Don’t mind sharing? She wasn’t even staying at the hotel, but apparently comes up from the village every morning!! We played table tennis, foosball and giant chess too.
Took a car ferry and drove through some awesome woodland where the trees rise up next to you on both sides and meet up in the middle over you, forming a circular tube of leaves like something out of LOTR. Drove to Lime Regis, where mum used to come for family holidays to the beach – this was the first ‘real’ English beach I had visited – giant pebbles and not a speck of sand. When the waves drew in and out, the pebbles grated against each other making this unforgettable noise. We had a Devonshire tea (scones, clotted cream and jam), then headed off to Burton Bradstock, where mum used to live until she was four, for holidays. The house was called ‘the seven dwarves’. We went for a walk up the grassy hill, picking organic apples hanging over the house’ fence. The hill had a view of the old village with the church spire rishing up in the centre, and seeing the patchwork quilt of grassy fields and cows. The hill opened up to the coastline ridge, and the start of Chesil Beach, which runs for miles, including part of a tombolo called’ the fleet’. The strangest thing I saw too. At the end of the lane there was a man walking his dog. The man was tall, lanky, with a dishevelled appearance and a sparse orange bristle. His dog looked mangy and equally as deranged. He passed a man with his little sophisticated dog and the mangy dog started barking at the little dog. The dishevelled man pulled his dog away and started beating it, swearing at it. The poor dog then followed its owner, tail between its long thin legs. It looked like a fictional scene.
We drove alongside chesil beach to Wyke Regis, near oprtland, one of the lowest southern points of England,where mum lived from 10 to 15, and reminds me of pennant hills by the sea. It has the rough end of chesil beach. Myth has it that the beach appeared one night after a huge storm surge. The ‘beach’ again has no sand but is just a deposit of big waves of huge pebbles. And it wsa VERY windy. Mum was telling me about how he English teacher took the class down to the beach before an exam to ‘blow away the cobwebs.’ I guess it worked. Its also where her brother Richard recklessly took his boat out and got caught in the headland currents one night, and had to be rescued by a French fishing boat. He said he really thought he was going to die that night. Wyke regis is also where he restored a boat and named it after mum, the ‘mary Virginia.”
That night we got a bit lost trying to find a b&B owned by a reputable rich family whose property was simply referred to as ‘lawrences farm’, no address needed. They owned horses and took them to shows. The place was in ‘tolpuddle’, but we got lost because the neighbouring town is called “puddleton’, near “piddletrenthide”.
30th September: Sherborne hotel, somerset, 1 night:
it rained heavily as soon as we packed up and got in the car this morning. Had a walk along the beach in Weymouth, where there are amusements on the beach. Met up with My uncle peters’ mum, madge, who is 80-something. It was a little Britain moment meeting her. She was dolled up to the nines, wearing a floral outfit, and with bright white hair all blowdried, and bright red lipstick. We walked in and mum said “hello madge!! You may not remember me, but I am Margaret (my aunites) sister!! She recognised dad, saying “oh hello aren’t you lovely, and looked at james and I adoringly, saying “aren’t they lovely?!” she invited us to sit down. We offered to let her sit down in the comfy lounge, but she brought in a TINY chair no more than three feet tall, and edged her bum into it. She perched there, and I swore that if she got up she would have taken the chair with her!! We started talking, after she insisted on making us bacon sandwiches, drinks and cakes.
Mum got onto the subject of talking about how her brother Richard died of asbestos related cancer, which madges latest husband also died of. Mum said “your husband had the same thing didn’t he?” Madge stared at mum blankly. Mum corrected herself “one of your husbands had…” madge burst into a fit of laughter. “ONE OF MY HUSBANDS!! YOU CHEEKY THING, AREN’T YOU LOVELY!!!” She took us upstairs and showed us her bedrooms, especially her EIGHT WARDROBES, full of clothes, some with the price tags still on. “my husband was a hoarder, that’s why I got rid of the back shed. Look at my clothes!! I’ve got 32 feet of clothes in all!!”
Then she said “moh, my voice has gone all hoarse,” and started to continue talking, when all of a sudden she paused and randomly made a “neigh” noise like a horse. Then dad pointed out the ‘tin’ used as the backyard fence. She said “TIN!! That’s where the neighbours out the back burnt down my hedge!!” Then we went out the back, noting the majority of flowers were fake, a clever trick. She said “oh, let me put on some more lipstick before we have a photo.”
It was just a very funny situation. She is nothing like her daughter Debbie, who is a single, forty year old hippie who is a vegetarian hair braider specialising in hanna body tattoo-staining thingos.
To top it off, we passed a street called “little Britain”, and got a photo by it. I then accidentally went to get in what I thought was our car, but was someone else’s, just the same colour. I ran off, completely embarrassed, leaving mum nearly peeing her pants with laughter on the sidewalk.
We then drove to a place called Sutton Poyntz, where mum used to horse ride, and fell off galloping down a hill as a kid. There was giant horse carved into the chalky hillside. The strangest thing though. I passed an area of old stables which were caved in and surrounded in barbed wire, by a brown field, which was in one of my dreams a few years ago!!! It wasn’t a very nice dream though, as you can imagine, if you know me.
We drove back to Somerset, after trying to locate the manor which mums’ mum worked in. we thought it was in godmanstone, but it ended up being in godlingston, in a completely different part of the country. We did get to see england’s smallest inn, and a chalk giant with an erection carved into the hillside. I was proud of my haggling abilities trying to find a hotel t ostay in. I managed to get two double / twin rooms, for 37.50 pounds each, when each was normally 85 pounds. For dinner we went to a Turkish kebab shop, where we couldn’t understand a word the man was saying. When he said “what sauce do you want: mintthousandislandorchile.” Mum ordered what she thought was meat sauce and ended up being mint. The guy gave us a free bottle of coke ‘on the house.’ We couldn’t understand what he said so we asked to swap it for a lemonade, later realising how horrible that was!!!
1st October: Montacute again, 1 night:
went to street shopping village, where I intended to get some shoes and bought everything but. Meanwhile, mum, olive and john went to the working mans club for some famous scrumpy somerset cider, then changed to the kings arms inn for more. We joined them then, and I had some cider, which goes to your head pretty damn fast, which was definitely showing in mums conversation with a random couple, who she had declared to be the mayor of odcombe, who apparently invented the fork. The guy kept calling me “lad”, which kind of scared me.
2nd October: Portsmouth travelodge, 1 night:
visited Montacute house in the morning, which wasn’t kept very well and not really worth it. Re-visited ash to buy some lollies from mums old shop. Then drove to Stonehenge in Salisbury. I couldn’t believe what they had done there. Stonehenge is, they think, an ancient burial ground, and its surrounded by a large circle in the grass maybe a few miles long, and then lots of burials lumps in the earth. THEY BUILT A ROAD THROUGH THE CIRCLE!! Not the stones of course, but straight over a mound, which they excavated while building the carpark, and continued building over it!!!!! They also charge you over fifty dollars for a family to enter it!!!! So we crossed the highway and peered at it through a barb wire fence.
Then we drove down to the historic dockyards of Portsmouth, also home of smelly toto from camp, heaven forbid I should meet her again.
3rd October: Brighton Travelodge, 1 night:
Spent the day in Portsmouth in the dockyards, seeing the HMS victory, going on a harbour tour, and a Science interactive thing with a moving climbing wall, a helicopter simulator, gun firing simulator and other armed forces things.
Qwerky facts from HMS Victory, Portsmouth:
Flashing the pan (cleaning the cannon barrels), not enough room to swing a cat (cat of nine tails – could only be swung on the punishment deck), mess kits (where portions of biscuits would be divvied up into smaller portions), cheese n biscuits (biscuits that would quickly become infested by maggots (so they would eat them in the dark, smacking them on the table or hitting them on their elbows to knock the maggots out, which is also where the sign language of hitting your elbow for ‘biscuit’ originated. Three square meals a day originated from the square plates (crew weren’t allowed to serve themselves so much that it hits the sides of the plate, known as the ‘fiddle’, which is where the saying “on the fiddle” comes from (cheating the fellow crewsmen from their portions.) Sloppy joes were first worn on the ships. To ‘let the cat out of the bag’(where the cat of nine tails were stored.)
Crew used to wash their clothes in their own urine. They were given LOTS of rum and brandy, as it kept longer than water, When nelson died, he didn’t want to be buried at sea, so was pickled in a barrel using the best of the brandy, and taken back to England. The rest of the crew would be given a ceremony at sea, the lower crewsmen being wrapped in their own hammocks, and the higher members of staff in their beds, which doubled up as their coffins!!!
Had a fantastic day though, my head exploding from all the information I have learnt over the past… few months.
Then drove to brighton, another seaside town, opposite a park which reminded me A LOT of central park and made me feel quite… homesick I guess. I really miss home at the moment. I miss familiarity, having a stable place to live, seeing friends etc… I am sure I will be definitely ready for uni when I get back. It’s a different world, and its awesome, but not without its drawbacks and challenges.
4th October: Wimbledon near London, 1 night, travelodge:
Spent the day in brighton signing up with recruitment agencies looking for jobs. Problem is that I still don’t know what I want to do, where I can stay, and I don’t have a national insurance number nor a british bank account. I had a huge lump in my throat all day, feeling rather stressed. Especially when I found out that in order to get a job you need a national insurance number and a bank account, but to get that you need a letter from your employer!! My parents leave in a week, I have no idea what to do. Mum is starting to think that I will just have to sight see and burn my money up on accommodation. Arghhhh. So ididn’t enjoy brighton, despite it being a ‘london by the sea’ city. We then drove up to wimbledon, which had the worst driving I have ever seen. How we are alive I don’t know.
5th October: Tony / Shirley’s house, cheam, surrey, 3 nights:
mum told us that tony and Shirley are well-off . (posh, I discovered, is a word originating from when the reputable people would stay on boats, they’d be accommodated to sleep on the non-sunny side of the boat (Port On Starboard Home). Interesting huh!! They are very funny. Tony is involved in many plays, and can do ANY accent. He was telling us about how when he went to Ibitha and took his wifes mother, they didn’t realise how ibitha is a drunk party animals paradise and a couple were having sex on the rocks (anne said later “oh that must have been very uncomfortable”- she’s gorgeous.
we had a three course meal and I was trying sooooo hard not to do anything that I had learned in America in terms of table manners, but It was very hard.
We caught the subway underground into London, and it was weird because we were underground until we literally popped up from the ground and there was big ben, the houses of parliament, and Westminster abbey.
Anyway, we went to Westminster abbey, which was AMAZING!! The place is a set of small chapels off from a huge nave, which features the warrior to an unknown soldier memorial, which is really famous, sir Winston churchhills’ grave, henry 7, and the newton grave included in the da vinci code. The ceiling was so intricate and no place is left undecorated.
Of course it poured as soon as we went outside. We walked up the victoria embankment to look for number 10 downing street but of course it was too guarded up. We wandered around until we found a tube and then went back to travelodge for a pub meal.
6th October:
it rained all today, so it would have been awful getting around London. Instead, we had a sleep in and then I had an interview with capita. I think I got a job working with a 15 year old boy called ‘hassan’ in a wheelchair, feeding, toileting and helping him at school. I thought I could do it but I know it is a very very very big thing. I guess it will be another ‘experience’. After that we tried to set up my bank account but they were ridiculously disorganised. We then went and saw tony’s daughters’ family, and their cute boys, jasper and felix, who was watching a cool Mozart musical featuring baby toys and pretty mesmerising patterns. Strange memories.
7th October:
HAD THE BIGGEST DAY IN LONDON ONE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE!!
Started off in the tower of London, and got a tour with a beefeater (yeoman), who had this deep bellowing voice that echoed around the tower walls. This place is huge and Is dominated by ravens, who had their wings clipped, because there is a myth that the monarch will fall and the dbuildings will crumble, should the ravens ever leave. Plus I guess they are a tourist attraction. There was so much to see, like torture devices etc… bnut the best bit was of course the crown jewels. The crowns, orb, sovereign ring etc… but I thought the beest bit of them was the solid gold giant punch bowl and ladel which was indescribable: It was 400 years or so old and was intricately carved with mermaids, molluscs, lions – from a sea bed base to the sky. The ladel was sculpted again from gold intothe shape of a giant shell.
From the wall we also got a good look at the tower bridge, which is a colourful msterpiece. We got a few trains to Greenwich, and walked up through the beautiful park to Greenwich observatory, where the Greenwich meridian line is. So I stood on the east and west hemisphere for a while, also crossing through 0West and 0 East (the centre of time). Beautiful view of the skyline from then. Then went into the maritime museum and saw the replica boat used in the tv mni series shackleton, which hwas cool.
Caught a train down to st pauls cathedral, which was huge. Muym hada squirrel run up her leg. Then walked over the millennium bridge (old wobbly) to see shakespeares globe, which I thought was huge, but is dwarfed by the buildings around it. Then walked along the embankment as dusk set in. walked over another bridge and walked over the thames victoria embankment on the other side. This is one of my biggest meomories I know I will have of my trip. The sun was setting over the thames, which landmarks like big ben, thelondon eye and the houses of parliament standing out and actually shimmering under a red glow. The fairy lights lining the lamp posts shone, and I looked back of the dozen bridges, all uniquely ornate, that cross the thames, toward the glimmering st pauls cathedral and the skyline beyond. There was heaps of people walking along, in awe, romance etc… it was pretty cool.
Walked across yet another bridge to the London eye where we queued for a long time, but it was worth it. It’s a giant ferris wheel which takes you just 360 degrees in half an hour, to see a full view of the whole of londons’ skyline, the best bit being the houses of parliament and big ben, all lit up.
After that we caught a double decker bus over the bridge from waterloo, and found our way to the Albert pub for dinner (a quick scoff as iain would say), then walked to Buckingham palace. The queen wasn’t there at the time, so it wasn’t lit up, bt someone had lefta light on. Dad got separated and approached an armed guard asking if he’d seen mum. He had a backpack on and the guard could have thought he was a terrorist.
Argh!! The gates were very ornate, but the palace itself is just a large flat building – not what I expected at all.
Walked back to victoria station, through what seemed like daytime: the theatre district – streams of people were pouring out of the play Wicked and crowding around the backstage door to get a view of the actor before they pulled out in a long white limo.
Got back to our relatives town cheam, and attempted to walk back, getting lost,so at 11:30 he picked us up and we slumped home, exhausted but satisfied at having seen so much.
8th October: anne – gervase’s house, Middlesex – 2 nights:
this morning we had no rest, but got up early to go on tony and Shirleys large and luxurious boat. We had champagne, and james and I got to drive it down part of the thames, past some very qwerky looking houseboats. We also got to go through some locks, which was interesting.
After that we headed along to anne and gervases house where we all had lunch. Then we headed over to their daughters’ house, Rachael, and met their children (our fourth cousins), tabatha, henry and charlotte. The whole time we talked about accents, and watched lillie, their dog, getting very excited despite having a broken toe. They are awesome though and I would likek to see them again.
9th October:
Went to sort out my bank account today, but they aer of course hopeless, so it has to be finalised tomorrow. Anne took us to Windsor castle. If you are going to see a castle in England, this is the one. It is huge, over the top, and lavish in every way. The chapel touched me the most, because I was in a rather fragile state of mind from crying in the morning after being stressed about not dkowing what to do – I had no plce to live (eventually booked a youthhostel in kensighton), and will have to wake up at 5am to get to work 9a disabled school) by 7am. It will be an experience, but having no experience with disabled kids will be very hard.
Anyway, the chapel had angels all around the roof, more intricate roof patterning than you could imagine, and beautiful stained glass windows. It is where people such as henry the 8th are buried. The nave was the most impressive, with the knights of templar banners hanging over the symbolic shields and statues.
Saw the queens mary’s doll houses – an intricate palace with real plumbing, silver plates , a working mini vaccum three inches tall, and electricity. The whole doll house haad like twenty rooms and stood no morethan 3 metres tall. It was amazing. The state apartments were so lavish. Walked into some rooms and couldn’t believe the amount of gold furnishings and original Rembrandts etc… the dining hall with 60 or so chairs was huge – my table manners would never be up to scratch there.
Anyway, had a stressful night of packing, burning disks, frantic internet updating, and stressing about work – so got no sleep.
Singing off, me
Met up with iain and Madeline again, and stayed in their daughters holiday house in a very cute little village with narrow streets and slate houses, including the smallest hosue in Britain, which was the home of a family of six and the two floors had a floor space each of about 2 metres squared. It’s the town of William wordsworth the romantic poet, and of beatrix potter, inventor of jemima puddleduck and friends. I can see where she got her inspiration from though. We walked along the bay front, with the swans being fed, and old wooden boats, and then had a long long look in the vast amount of camping stores here.
Gosh iain is funny – he is full of crazy interesting facts:
1) Spirals in castle towers are normally anti clockwise so that the intruders who would be trying to make their way up the tower, and who are predominantly right-handed, would have their right arms movement impeded, thus making it difficult for them to attack using a sword in their right hand.
2) to insult people, Europeans (and aussies) put up one finger, whereas the English put up their index AND their middle finger, this dates back to when the soldiers would have these two fingers chopped off so they couldn’t use a bow and arrow.
3) The saying “show a leg” (i.e. ‘wake up’) originates from the old days on the ships, when the commander would wake up the men at 5am, commanding them to show a leg. The hairy ones, the men, would be woken up, and the smooth legs, the women, would be permitted to lie in.
4) According to iain, anything badly designed, was designed by ‘an italian hairdresser.’
5) Common Scotsmen and northumberlandians are known as “jordies”, originating from “georgies”, ie followers of king george.
6) “och aye du nu” is scottish for “of course”
7) iains impression of a southerner – someone from “daan saaf” (down south)
8) “see you jimmie” – “if you would like to step outside and we can settle this” (punch up fight)
We visited William wordsworths home, where he lived for nine years, during which he wrote the best poetry in his career, including ‘daffodils.’ It was kinda cool because him and colleridge were really good friends, and colleridge also spent a lot of time there. I also think I saw the lime-tree bower in the garden out the back!! You can really see what colleridge felt when he walked along the hilly ridges, and the waterfalls. Its very sad when you actually become interested in the things you studied at school, long after you finished school (ok, that made me sound old.) Oh, and I saw his grave too – the whole wordsworth family in fact, and mum has the idea that he had something going on with his sister Dorothy…
Another useless fact I learnt: back in wordsworths time, people were taxed according to the amount of windows they had in their house. So people preferred to brick them up and live by candlelight. This is where the term ‘daylight robbery’ originated.
Had dinner in “the priests hole,” a 500 year old house that was used to house the members of the church in times of persecution against the catholics.
Makes me sound like a history nut. I swear im not, but seeing things in person is completely different to just reading about them in text books.
Anyhoo, the floors were so warped I kept sliding off the chair!!
James and I got a laugh out of the ducks, who paddled really hard to go upstream, and we watched them turn around and ‘thrill-swim’ down the river for a while.
I bought some old music sheets with irish, scottish and English melodies on them, with the intention of framing them, like everything else I have bought.
LIVERPOOL YOUTH HOSTEL: 1 night:
Rang el in the morning, which was great after not talking for a LONG time by our standards – could talk forever, about nothing in particular, and still be happy. Makes me miss home a lot.
After some quick shopping in the morning and buying more funny postcards with no intention of giving them to anyone (haha), we said goodbye to our long lost cousin, and made our way to Liverpool, home of football freaks and the beatles.
Had a few traumatic experiences on the way though. One was less than five minutes from iains house, when dad decided to turn right and ended up on the other side of the road, with an oncoming bus getting awfully close to us and showing no signs of slowing down. Dad did a giant snake curve and all I could imagine was the vision thing I had in carbisdale castle about oncoming vehicles about to hit me. The roads here are so damn narrow. We are literally inches away from hitting the bushes on one side and the oncoming traffic on the other side. I hate it, I even had tears in my eyes. That ‘encounter’ seriously scarred me for life.
When we finally got into Liverpool, it was crazy because the whole place seems to be being rebuilt, roadworks everywhere (another thing crazy about these roads is that they have traffic lights on their roundabouts!!). we checked into our majorly expensive youth hostel and went shopping, and had a very bland stir fry. Then I retreated to my room for some ‘me-time’ (a camp term), which I find I need a lot lately. I can’t wait to be in the same place for a while, working and getting into daily routines of London life. Travelling is fun, but its exhausting, and sometimes you need to slow down.
WALES - 21st September: LLANBARIS YOUTH HOSTEL, 1 night
dad has an obsession with talking to strangers. We’ve been at a place for five minutes and dad is already talking to school girls who probably feel uncomfortable. And his Australian accent is very broad.
Anyway, had the best day in Liverpool. First we somehow found our way to Liverpool football club for a tour of the stadium and a look at the museum, we started outside, at the entrance for the players. Inside, we walked down the corridor saying “players and staff only”, with interview rooms on both sides. We made our way into the home team change rooms, which were pretty ordinary, but the teams jerseys were all lined up in their traditional order: goalie, backs, mids and strikers. Names like kewell, gerrard etc… beamed out in a sea of famous read. We got photos next to the jerseys and touched kewells’ one. Apparently on match days they set out eighty pairs of boots for the team to choose from.
We also got a look at the away team room, which lacks the state of the art physio chairs, and has a slippery floor which apparently the cleaner used to rub with wax before games. We walked down the steps, under the famous “this is anfield” sign and onto the pitch. We sat in the managers chair in the staff booth and then sat in the area which used to be standing only, for tens of thousands, the equivalent of putting three fully grown men in a single seat!!
We had a treacherous time trying to get back to the hostel for lunch. We found ourselves yet again going the wrong way down a one way street, with yet another unrelentless oncoming bus.
After lunch (yes we were alive miraculously) we walked over to albert dock, the only nice part of Liverpool, the old dock and the ‘liver’ buildings. We went to the Beatles museum, which was really amazing – walking in on sets that took you back to all stages of their careers. the most moving room was the last one, John Lennons White Room, containing his white piano, white carpet, long tall windows with light white billowing curtains and a guitar leaning against the wall, they had ‘imagine’ playing in the background. It was weird reading about how violently he died, after working so hard for peace. Also the fact that I saw his house in new york and the place where he was shot, made it more ‘real.’ They were a pretty amazing band though, and they had it pretty hard going to start off with, being told to play 8 hours every evening in a red light club, if they were gonna make it to the top. But they did, and in only 8 years, they wrote over 200 songs. I loved a phrase lennon wrote on a silly poem at the end: “this is my story both humble and true, take it to pieces and mend it with glue.”
“I think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree.”
We walked around the dock, past the famous Mansey Ferries, then hopped back in the cars and drove to another country: wales. The sun set along the way, and the view out to the mountains reminded me a lot of home. Then it got dark and the lights of the tiny welsh towns in the hills, glittered and their reflections shone in the sea.
Had an exciting dinner of baked beans and packet soup, and off to bed, trying to ignore the bellowing wind outside.
STILL IN WALES: Boetws –y Coed, a pub, 1 night:
Had an amazing day today. We walked around Llanbaris (which in welsh sounds like “clanbarrrrrris” with a lot of hucking and gagging at the beginning. And middle. And end for that matter (I can’t believe how much welsh they speak here – it is literally their first language now that is taught in schools. And all the kids speak it.” But its silly because its an ancient language that has been reintroduced into the modern world, and so they have had to make up words like “telly velly” for television and “haddlu” for police. As iain said “I don’t have much time for them,” and I am beginning to realise why.
Like today, we went up the highest point in wales, Mt Snowdon, by a train which was advertised as being steam driven, but was actually diesel drivn. While we were waiting to board, we were staring at the steam train wondering why we couldn’t just get on, and then they got us on a diesel one, letting the steam one puffing away polluted air all day, just for show. We paid $90 for a family ticket, which was ridiculous and mum was FURIOUS. The train went through the valleys, these extremely dramatic mountain ranges, and stopped at a ‘station’ in the middle of nowhere, leaving us to walk a few miles to the top up slippery slate. But it was worth it. The view was amazing. You could see for hundreds of miles, out to the ocean on 2 sides. The sheep up here are thrill seekers – they still pick the most dangerous of spots to find their grass. Like, when you see a sheep carefully making its way across a rocky slope with a gradient of 70 degrees, you really begin to wonder if its just wool in that head. Sheep have tails here, and birth marks. We walked ALL the way back into town, which must have bee n10km’s. I got WAY ahead by a few hours, so perused around town for a while. On the way down, though, I got blocked off by some territorial sheep. I looked up and saw, on the other side of the fence and stile, three sheep lining up on what looked like pride rock, with a boss sheep at the base of the rock, who stopped rubbing its back on the rock when I came along, and bleeted. On cue, the sheep started lining up and jumping off the rock and forming a line across the path. I couldn’t believe it. I actually feared for my life.
We finally met up (apparently we all got separated after james went exploring a glacier lake and got lost behind the boulders.) We headed through more dramatic mountains and stumbled across a beautiful town with a waterfall and stream running through it, called Betws-y-coed. Luckily we got a nice pub room and had a nice pub dinner in a very classy town that was like Kangaroo Valley.
Funny phrase on some shop merchandise I found: “the meaning of life: sometimes it’s a chicken, sometimes it’s a chair, sometimes it’s a piece of cheese suspended in the air.”
The next day we spent looking around Betwsy blah blah, doing more walking on public footpaths which skirt around peoples fields, running along side the stream. It was magical. Im quite sore from climbing a mountain yesterday though. In fact mum and I could hardly walk.
That night we left wales and stayed in an immaculate B&B in Alcester, called “the globe”, in a town just outside of shakespeares home town, Stratford-upon-Avon.
The next day we saw shakespeares birth place, which was fascinating. Elle said I am on my way to redoing the whole English syllabus. Haha im on a journey and its NOT imaginative.
Apparently in shakespeares time they were experiencing a second ‘ice age’, but to preserve coal, they had to douse their fires at 8pm. Meaning they froze at night. They used tapestries to provide more insulation on the walls (stone = cold, duh). They also slept on beds (the children this is), equivalent to our ‘trundle beds’, which were made of ropes strung across. Every night before going to sleep they would have to tighten the ropes so they didn’t sag that night, a two man operation. This is where the saying “good night sleep tight” originated. I love linguistical things like that. Im collecting origins of phrases. All English.
Went up to Coventry, industrial town, and home of the Cadbury factory, and inventor of the bike. met up with fox from camp, who brought along her friend hayley. We saw the famous cathedral that was bombed in the war. Then had a chat in a bar called ‘browns’. I didn’t stop laughing the whole time. And it wasn’t awkward like I expected it to be.
That afternoon we drove through the famous “cottswalds” district, with quaint towns, and funny town names like “badminton” (haha), “old sodsbury”, “peopleton” and “uptop snodbury.”
We stayed in Bath Youth Hostel.
We went for a drive at night trying to find a supermarket open on a Sunday night, getting very lost, but seeing a beautiful roman-georgian town lit up at night was amzing. Ashley brown is there doing bar-tending, and max was there only four days ago, staying with him. Small world!!!
The next day we did a walking tour of the sights of bath, learning about the cathedrals (designed by a guy who had a dream about angels climbing up ladders etc…) and they based it on his dreams. During some period of conflict they chopped the heads off the statues, and one of them had a beard. Some of the beard remained, so instead of giving it a new head, they moulded one out of the remaining beard!!! Weird. There are also statues there of the twelve apostles, but two of them are FEMALE (how da vinci code is that!!)
We did an audio tour of the Roman Baths, which are natural hot springs that, over the roman period, were transformed into a relaxation resort, complete with saunas with their own central heating systems and flues (how smart were the romans!!), and healing waters that cured people of leprosy. Apparently at one stage it was owned by the father of King Lear. I touched the water and thew a penny in and made a wish. It was fascinating, and I can’t believe their intelligence!!!!!
That afternoon we made our way into deep Somerset County, where mum grew up. Went through her town, ash, where she lived for the first ten years of her life, and where her dad owned the general store, and she used to creep down in the middle of the night and nibble corners out of the chocolate bars and blame it on the mice. Ever since I was little I have wanted to take mum out to England to see where she grew up and see how its changed (she hasn’t been back there since 1980.) the shop is a lot different, but the house and the garden were still there. The whole place has very old buildings of stone, with stone walls, bright flowers and names for their houses like “manor farm” etc… We bought a chocolate bar there each to make up for mums mischief.
MONTACUTE B&B (JOHN AND OLIVE), 2 NIGHTS:
We stayed in Montacute, in the B&B which mums cousin John and wife Olive, live. I don’t remember them, but they are the fun people I have ever met. They love talking, period, but at the same time they are modern, listening to hip hop all night and talking about little Britain despite being 60-70 odd. She was telling us hilarious stories about her guests in her B&B. one time, these two couples came in and they hadn’t made up the rooms, so did them in a hurry. Olive had done everything but check the teapot. Of course there wsa an AWFUL guy who came down to olive after seeing the room, and held out the teapot wit ha disgusted look on his face, saying “theres a teabag in there.” She felt so awful that she went to extra care at breakfast, asking them if they had a good sleep. She wished them a good day, to which the ‘arsehole’ promptly replied “doubt it, we’re going to a funeral.”
Then they get a regular guy who stays for long periods at a time. One day olive couldn’t help staring at his nipples, thinking they were incnredibly perky. It turned out that he not only had perky nipples, but that he’d had a boob job done. And that he was a cross-dressing businessman, who was either called “john” or “Joanna” but “jo” for a compromise. Funny thing is that he has a girlfriend, who doesn’t seem to mind. Olive was doing his washing one day and hanging out his clothes on the line, including a t-strap (she said “I don’t know where he put his tackle when wearing that one though”), and the neighbours head pops over the fence. Before he could say anything, she says “its not mine, its my b&b’ers”.
When I told her that the only excuse that I could come up with for leaving the palais royale, was that my mums cousin had offered me a job in her B&B in montacute, which is where we are staying right now, she was right in on it. She said she’d take a photo of me in front of the place, and write rose a letter using their letterhead. Im glad she’s in on it!!!
MUMS BIRTHDAY IN MONTACUTE: 26TH SEPT:
The next day we thankfully had a relaxing day. We took john into hospital, then headed back into ash after visiting b something downs, where mums sister moved after she got married. We took a video of mum talking about the various places she could remember in ash, including her old school, the shop, a few houses where she lived, or used to play with her friends in (old barns etc…), and the phone box which she walked to when she was very young (her first time out of the house alone.) It was a pretty cool place for mum to visit on her birthday.
James and dad went to a Yeovil football match in the evening.
27th Sept: SALTASH TRAVELODGE, 1night:
packed up today, then visited john in hospital. He’s such a ratbag – apparently he’s been the one giving the nurses stitches … of laughter. Haha.
Then we headed ‘daan saaf’ to the Cornwall coast. We stopped for lunch in the rain and wind, at Sidmouth, where we had a walk along the beachside and saw some old fishing boats and hire deckchairs. Some quaint homewares shops there too. Drove on past Plymouth to Saltash travelodge, in the rain. Had dinner at the Little Chef, and james had a stress attack about working out how ‘burger king meal deals’ work.
28th Sept: DARTMOUTH, POSH B&B, 1 night:
Went to Polperro today – an old fishing village with very narrow streets (no chance of getting a car through there). The whole place is built around the bay opening, and the boats which are moored there come out of the water during the really low tides. A stream flows through the villages, under the houses. We saw an ‘alley’ of water between two houses, filled with ducks. Its also the home of the original Cornish pasty, which was first made by wives to send down to their husbands in the mines, as it was a compact little number with everything they needed. That’s also where the ‘aussie aussie aussie oi oi oi” saying came from , when they called down the mines to say ‘ready, I’m gonna send you down your lunch”, and they would reply “oi oi oi.” Interesting huh!!
Took a walk up to the coastline and looked down on the fishing village. Also looked at the fishing and smuggling museum. It was interesting to find out how they smuggled drugs in to the country – some swallowed condoms and even balloons filled with drugs, collecting them when they ‘came out the other side.’ Went to some funny shops along polperro, where I bought a cheap watch for five pounds. They sold bookmarks with funny illustrations of cats with phrases like “never try to jump start a parrot,” “never sell old people”, “never poke sticks at mad people,” “never ignite a rhinos fart”, “never park your bike in other peoples bottoms,” and “always check your underpants for stray sheep.”
Also bought some ‘piskies’ (good luck charm pixies.)
Went to looe, where we found a pirates of the Caribbean shop with a jack sparrow doll who said things like “why aren’t the children cannibals.”
Had the best ice cream ever: Cornish caramel and honey comb. Lip smacking good!!
Then we headed over to Dartmouth, which had a gorgeous harbour with colourful houses and lots of little boats. Had dinner in a smokey pub after driving around trying to find a place to stay. We ended up forking out $400 for a B&B hotel.
29th September, Tolpuddle ‘lawrence farm’ B&B, 1 night:
Woke up early to have a swim in their indoor heated pool, and a relax in the jakuzzi (hehe). James got yelled at by a grumpy old lady who was swimming and james swum into her, nearly, and she said “I don’t mind sharing as long as you watch out.” Don’t mind sharing? She wasn’t even staying at the hotel, but apparently comes up from the village every morning!! We played table tennis, foosball and giant chess too.
Took a car ferry and drove through some awesome woodland where the trees rise up next to you on both sides and meet up in the middle over you, forming a circular tube of leaves like something out of LOTR. Drove to Lime Regis, where mum used to come for family holidays to the beach – this was the first ‘real’ English beach I had visited – giant pebbles and not a speck of sand. When the waves drew in and out, the pebbles grated against each other making this unforgettable noise. We had a Devonshire tea (scones, clotted cream and jam), then headed off to Burton Bradstock, where mum used to live until she was four, for holidays. The house was called ‘the seven dwarves’. We went for a walk up the grassy hill, picking organic apples hanging over the house’ fence. The hill had a view of the old village with the church spire rishing up in the centre, and seeing the patchwork quilt of grassy fields and cows. The hill opened up to the coastline ridge, and the start of Chesil Beach, which runs for miles, including part of a tombolo called’ the fleet’. The strangest thing I saw too. At the end of the lane there was a man walking his dog. The man was tall, lanky, with a dishevelled appearance and a sparse orange bristle. His dog looked mangy and equally as deranged. He passed a man with his little sophisticated dog and the mangy dog started barking at the little dog. The dishevelled man pulled his dog away and started beating it, swearing at it. The poor dog then followed its owner, tail between its long thin legs. It looked like a fictional scene.
We drove alongside chesil beach to Wyke Regis, near oprtland, one of the lowest southern points of England,where mum lived from 10 to 15, and reminds me of pennant hills by the sea. It has the rough end of chesil beach. Myth has it that the beach appeared one night after a huge storm surge. The ‘beach’ again has no sand but is just a deposit of big waves of huge pebbles. And it wsa VERY windy. Mum was telling me about how he English teacher took the class down to the beach before an exam to ‘blow away the cobwebs.’ I guess it worked. Its also where her brother Richard recklessly took his boat out and got caught in the headland currents one night, and had to be rescued by a French fishing boat. He said he really thought he was going to die that night. Wyke regis is also where he restored a boat and named it after mum, the ‘mary Virginia.”
That night we got a bit lost trying to find a b&B owned by a reputable rich family whose property was simply referred to as ‘lawrences farm’, no address needed. They owned horses and took them to shows. The place was in ‘tolpuddle’, but we got lost because the neighbouring town is called “puddleton’, near “piddletrenthide”.
30th September: Sherborne hotel, somerset, 1 night:
it rained heavily as soon as we packed up and got in the car this morning. Had a walk along the beach in Weymouth, where there are amusements on the beach. Met up with My uncle peters’ mum, madge, who is 80-something. It was a little Britain moment meeting her. She was dolled up to the nines, wearing a floral outfit, and with bright white hair all blowdried, and bright red lipstick. We walked in and mum said “hello madge!! You may not remember me, but I am Margaret (my aunites) sister!! She recognised dad, saying “oh hello aren’t you lovely, and looked at james and I adoringly, saying “aren’t they lovely?!” she invited us to sit down. We offered to let her sit down in the comfy lounge, but she brought in a TINY chair no more than three feet tall, and edged her bum into it. She perched there, and I swore that if she got up she would have taken the chair with her!! We started talking, after she insisted on making us bacon sandwiches, drinks and cakes.
Mum got onto the subject of talking about how her brother Richard died of asbestos related cancer, which madges latest husband also died of. Mum said “your husband had the same thing didn’t he?” Madge stared at mum blankly. Mum corrected herself “one of your husbands had…” madge burst into a fit of laughter. “ONE OF MY HUSBANDS!! YOU CHEEKY THING, AREN’T YOU LOVELY!!!” She took us upstairs and showed us her bedrooms, especially her EIGHT WARDROBES, full of clothes, some with the price tags still on. “my husband was a hoarder, that’s why I got rid of the back shed. Look at my clothes!! I’ve got 32 feet of clothes in all!!”
Then she said “moh, my voice has gone all hoarse,” and started to continue talking, when all of a sudden she paused and randomly made a “neigh” noise like a horse. Then dad pointed out the ‘tin’ used as the backyard fence. She said “TIN!! That’s where the neighbours out the back burnt down my hedge!!” Then we went out the back, noting the majority of flowers were fake, a clever trick. She said “oh, let me put on some more lipstick before we have a photo.”
It was just a very funny situation. She is nothing like her daughter Debbie, who is a single, forty year old hippie who is a vegetarian hair braider specialising in hanna body tattoo-staining thingos.
To top it off, we passed a street called “little Britain”, and got a photo by it. I then accidentally went to get in what I thought was our car, but was someone else’s, just the same colour. I ran off, completely embarrassed, leaving mum nearly peeing her pants with laughter on the sidewalk.
We then drove to a place called Sutton Poyntz, where mum used to horse ride, and fell off galloping down a hill as a kid. There was giant horse carved into the chalky hillside. The strangest thing though. I passed an area of old stables which were caved in and surrounded in barbed wire, by a brown field, which was in one of my dreams a few years ago!!! It wasn’t a very nice dream though, as you can imagine, if you know me.
We drove back to Somerset, after trying to locate the manor which mums’ mum worked in. we thought it was in godmanstone, but it ended up being in godlingston, in a completely different part of the country. We did get to see england’s smallest inn, and a chalk giant with an erection carved into the hillside. I was proud of my haggling abilities trying to find a hotel t ostay in. I managed to get two double / twin rooms, for 37.50 pounds each, when each was normally 85 pounds. For dinner we went to a Turkish kebab shop, where we couldn’t understand a word the man was saying. When he said “what sauce do you want: mintthousandislandorchile.” Mum ordered what she thought was meat sauce and ended up being mint. The guy gave us a free bottle of coke ‘on the house.’ We couldn’t understand what he said so we asked to swap it for a lemonade, later realising how horrible that was!!!
1st October: Montacute again, 1 night:
went to street shopping village, where I intended to get some shoes and bought everything but. Meanwhile, mum, olive and john went to the working mans club for some famous scrumpy somerset cider, then changed to the kings arms inn for more. We joined them then, and I had some cider, which goes to your head pretty damn fast, which was definitely showing in mums conversation with a random couple, who she had declared to be the mayor of odcombe, who apparently invented the fork. The guy kept calling me “lad”, which kind of scared me.
2nd October: Portsmouth travelodge, 1 night:
visited Montacute house in the morning, which wasn’t kept very well and not really worth it. Re-visited ash to buy some lollies from mums old shop. Then drove to Stonehenge in Salisbury. I couldn’t believe what they had done there. Stonehenge is, they think, an ancient burial ground, and its surrounded by a large circle in the grass maybe a few miles long, and then lots of burials lumps in the earth. THEY BUILT A ROAD THROUGH THE CIRCLE!! Not the stones of course, but straight over a mound, which they excavated while building the carpark, and continued building over it!!!!! They also charge you over fifty dollars for a family to enter it!!!! So we crossed the highway and peered at it through a barb wire fence.
Then we drove down to the historic dockyards of Portsmouth, also home of smelly toto from camp, heaven forbid I should meet her again.
3rd October: Brighton Travelodge, 1 night:
Spent the day in Portsmouth in the dockyards, seeing the HMS victory, going on a harbour tour, and a Science interactive thing with a moving climbing wall, a helicopter simulator, gun firing simulator and other armed forces things.
Qwerky facts from HMS Victory, Portsmouth:
Flashing the pan (cleaning the cannon barrels), not enough room to swing a cat (cat of nine tails – could only be swung on the punishment deck), mess kits (where portions of biscuits would be divvied up into smaller portions), cheese n biscuits (biscuits that would quickly become infested by maggots (so they would eat them in the dark, smacking them on the table or hitting them on their elbows to knock the maggots out, which is also where the sign language of hitting your elbow for ‘biscuit’ originated. Three square meals a day originated from the square plates (crew weren’t allowed to serve themselves so much that it hits the sides of the plate, known as the ‘fiddle’, which is where the saying “on the fiddle” comes from (cheating the fellow crewsmen from their portions.) Sloppy joes were first worn on the ships. To ‘let the cat out of the bag’(where the cat of nine tails were stored.)
Crew used to wash their clothes in their own urine. They were given LOTS of rum and brandy, as it kept longer than water, When nelson died, he didn’t want to be buried at sea, so was pickled in a barrel using the best of the brandy, and taken back to England. The rest of the crew would be given a ceremony at sea, the lower crewsmen being wrapped in their own hammocks, and the higher members of staff in their beds, which doubled up as their coffins!!!
Had a fantastic day though, my head exploding from all the information I have learnt over the past… few months.
Then drove to brighton, another seaside town, opposite a park which reminded me A LOT of central park and made me feel quite… homesick I guess. I really miss home at the moment. I miss familiarity, having a stable place to live, seeing friends etc… I am sure I will be definitely ready for uni when I get back. It’s a different world, and its awesome, but not without its drawbacks and challenges.
4th October: Wimbledon near London, 1 night, travelodge:
Spent the day in brighton signing up with recruitment agencies looking for jobs. Problem is that I still don’t know what I want to do, where I can stay, and I don’t have a national insurance number nor a british bank account. I had a huge lump in my throat all day, feeling rather stressed. Especially when I found out that in order to get a job you need a national insurance number and a bank account, but to get that you need a letter from your employer!! My parents leave in a week, I have no idea what to do. Mum is starting to think that I will just have to sight see and burn my money up on accommodation. Arghhhh. So ididn’t enjoy brighton, despite it being a ‘london by the sea’ city. We then drove up to wimbledon, which had the worst driving I have ever seen. How we are alive I don’t know.
5th October: Tony / Shirley’s house, cheam, surrey, 3 nights:
mum told us that tony and Shirley are well-off . (posh, I discovered, is a word originating from when the reputable people would stay on boats, they’d be accommodated to sleep on the non-sunny side of the boat (Port On Starboard Home). Interesting huh!! They are very funny. Tony is involved in many plays, and can do ANY accent. He was telling us about how when he went to Ibitha and took his wifes mother, they didn’t realise how ibitha is a drunk party animals paradise and a couple were having sex on the rocks (anne said later “oh that must have been very uncomfortable”- she’s gorgeous.
we had a three course meal and I was trying sooooo hard not to do anything that I had learned in America in terms of table manners, but It was very hard.
We caught the subway underground into London, and it was weird because we were underground until we literally popped up from the ground and there was big ben, the houses of parliament, and Westminster abbey.
Anyway, we went to Westminster abbey, which was AMAZING!! The place is a set of small chapels off from a huge nave, which features the warrior to an unknown soldier memorial, which is really famous, sir Winston churchhills’ grave, henry 7, and the newton grave included in the da vinci code. The ceiling was so intricate and no place is left undecorated.
Of course it poured as soon as we went outside. We walked up the victoria embankment to look for number 10 downing street but of course it was too guarded up. We wandered around until we found a tube and then went back to travelodge for a pub meal.
6th October:
it rained all today, so it would have been awful getting around London. Instead, we had a sleep in and then I had an interview with capita. I think I got a job working with a 15 year old boy called ‘hassan’ in a wheelchair, feeding, toileting and helping him at school. I thought I could do it but I know it is a very very very big thing. I guess it will be another ‘experience’. After that we tried to set up my bank account but they were ridiculously disorganised. We then went and saw tony’s daughters’ family, and their cute boys, jasper and felix, who was watching a cool Mozart musical featuring baby toys and pretty mesmerising patterns. Strange memories.
7th October:
HAD THE BIGGEST DAY IN LONDON ONE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE!!
Started off in the tower of London, and got a tour with a beefeater (yeoman), who had this deep bellowing voice that echoed around the tower walls. This place is huge and Is dominated by ravens, who had their wings clipped, because there is a myth that the monarch will fall and the dbuildings will crumble, should the ravens ever leave. Plus I guess they are a tourist attraction. There was so much to see, like torture devices etc… bnut the best bit was of course the crown jewels. The crowns, orb, sovereign ring etc… but I thought the beest bit of them was the solid gold giant punch bowl and ladel which was indescribable: It was 400 years or so old and was intricately carved with mermaids, molluscs, lions – from a sea bed base to the sky. The ladel was sculpted again from gold intothe shape of a giant shell.
From the wall we also got a good look at the tower bridge, which is a colourful msterpiece. We got a few trains to Greenwich, and walked up through the beautiful park to Greenwich observatory, where the Greenwich meridian line is. So I stood on the east and west hemisphere for a while, also crossing through 0West and 0 East (the centre of time). Beautiful view of the skyline from then. Then went into the maritime museum and saw the replica boat used in the tv mni series shackleton, which hwas cool.
Caught a train down to st pauls cathedral, which was huge. Muym hada squirrel run up her leg. Then walked over the millennium bridge (old wobbly) to see shakespeares globe, which I thought was huge, but is dwarfed by the buildings around it. Then walked along the embankment as dusk set in. walked over another bridge and walked over the thames victoria embankment on the other side. This is one of my biggest meomories I know I will have of my trip. The sun was setting over the thames, which landmarks like big ben, thelondon eye and the houses of parliament standing out and actually shimmering under a red glow. The fairy lights lining the lamp posts shone, and I looked back of the dozen bridges, all uniquely ornate, that cross the thames, toward the glimmering st pauls cathedral and the skyline beyond. There was heaps of people walking along, in awe, romance etc… it was pretty cool.
Walked across yet another bridge to the London eye where we queued for a long time, but it was worth it. It’s a giant ferris wheel which takes you just 360 degrees in half an hour, to see a full view of the whole of londons’ skyline, the best bit being the houses of parliament and big ben, all lit up.
After that we caught a double decker bus over the bridge from waterloo, and found our way to the Albert pub for dinner (a quick scoff as iain would say), then walked to Buckingham palace. The queen wasn’t there at the time, so it wasn’t lit up, bt someone had lefta light on. Dad got separated and approached an armed guard asking if he’d seen mum. He had a backpack on and the guard could have thought he was a terrorist.
Argh!! The gates were very ornate, but the palace itself is just a large flat building – not what I expected at all.
Walked back to victoria station, through what seemed like daytime: the theatre district – streams of people were pouring out of the play Wicked and crowding around the backstage door to get a view of the actor before they pulled out in a long white limo.
Got back to our relatives town cheam, and attempted to walk back, getting lost,so at 11:30 he picked us up and we slumped home, exhausted but satisfied at having seen so much.
8th October: anne – gervase’s house, Middlesex – 2 nights:
this morning we had no rest, but got up early to go on tony and Shirleys large and luxurious boat. We had champagne, and james and I got to drive it down part of the thames, past some very qwerky looking houseboats. We also got to go through some locks, which was interesting.
After that we headed along to anne and gervases house where we all had lunch. Then we headed over to their daughters’ house, Rachael, and met their children (our fourth cousins), tabatha, henry and charlotte. The whole time we talked about accents, and watched lillie, their dog, getting very excited despite having a broken toe. They are awesome though and I would likek to see them again.
9th October:
Went to sort out my bank account today, but they aer of course hopeless, so it has to be finalised tomorrow. Anne took us to Windsor castle. If you are going to see a castle in England, this is the one. It is huge, over the top, and lavish in every way. The chapel touched me the most, because I was in a rather fragile state of mind from crying in the morning after being stressed about not dkowing what to do – I had no plce to live (eventually booked a youthhostel in kensighton), and will have to wake up at 5am to get to work 9a disabled school) by 7am. It will be an experience, but having no experience with disabled kids will be very hard.
Anyway, the chapel had angels all around the roof, more intricate roof patterning than you could imagine, and beautiful stained glass windows. It is where people such as henry the 8th are buried. The nave was the most impressive, with the knights of templar banners hanging over the symbolic shields and statues.
Saw the queens mary’s doll houses – an intricate palace with real plumbing, silver plates , a working mini vaccum three inches tall, and electricity. The whole doll house haad like twenty rooms and stood no morethan 3 metres tall. It was amazing. The state apartments were so lavish. Walked into some rooms and couldn’t believe the amount of gold furnishings and original Rembrandts etc… the dining hall with 60 or so chairs was huge – my table manners would never be up to scratch there.
Anyway, had a stressful night of packing, burning disks, frantic internet updating, and stressing about work – so got no sleep.
Singing off, me
posted by Amy at
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